Trust is not something that anyone who has been through any type of trauma develops easily. If you have been in a position where your life or the life of another has been threatened with mortal danger, it can be difficult to not only trust another human being, but also to trust yourself. Trust is a two way street. If we can't feel the safety of trusting someone else, we will not open up to them. We will be in that state of hyper-vigilance where the brain acts as a sentry for any false move that someone makes that makes us feel threatened. It is ready to leap into action with the fight or flight response. Think of the last time someone began talking with you and it started as an innocent conversation. Moments later they bring something up that is a trigger for you. How do you feel? What is your physical response? What is your emotional response? Chances are you feel that weird, unsettling feeling in your gut. The neck tightens. Lips started gnawing and pursing. Jaw starts getting tense. You either lash out at them or you get upset and at best, walk away. I can hear the statement...."I don't need this." coming up in your thoughts too. This is a scenario I've experienced myself, but also one that I have listened to time and time again from others who have dealt with the many markers of PTSD.
In order to trust others, we have to be able to trust ourselves. How do we do that if we know that there are these triggers that can pop up at any moment having a sudden adverse affect on us? How can we trust that we have control of those triggers? It's difficult in the early stages because you may not even know what your triggers are yet, so how can you predict how you are going to respond to them?
PTSD is never an easy conversation nor is it a one layer conversation, as we have all have begun to recognize in reading what I write from post to post. All of the answers don't exist at this point and I tend to think that because of the way human nature evolves, learns, and responds, we may not ever have all the answers, but I think that's okay. The reason I say it's okay is because what I have learned is that the journey of PTSD is very personal. Yes, it has it's defining characteristics medically and psychologically, but healing isn't going to come solely from the outside. It is something we all carry within us. Now if only I could go back in time and tell that to my earlier self, it would have made this journey a lot less confusing for me. It's hard to recognize that you have the power to heal within you. It's hard to wrap your mind around that idea, simply because it's your mind that has become your worst enemy.
How can the mind that torments you be the same mind that heals you?
The same way the heart that breaks is also the heart that loves.
. *Image: Google Images