Have you ever asked "why" something had to happen to you, a buddy of yours, or maybe even a family member?
I've found through my experiences that many people who have experienced something traumatic go through this for quite a long period of time. This deep questioning of "why did this happen?" Sometimes the most troubling of these "whys" is the questioning of why it happened to this other person and not to you.
I consider all of these particular "whys", the "whys of the Universe". They are often the kind of question we never get an answer to. They are deeply troubling and can be a debilitating force of energy inside of us that prevents us from being present in the life we currently have. It wastes our vital, life-giving energy eating away at the core of who we are.
Has anyone ever told you to stop asking why things happened the way that they did? Have you ever been discouraged or told you aren't going to get an answer, so stop asking? Maybe you were told "Just accept it and move on. You have to move on." Not such an easy thing to do, especially when you are a service member who has seen a thing or two. I had a laundry list of "whys" for me, for the soldiers have been a personal part of my life, and for those I met through volunteering at the WTU. These "whys" have been very sobering and heavy because the answers aren't readily available.
This is the very reason I categorize my "whys". The "whys of the Universe" are those that I made peace with and realized that maybe there is some bigger plan I'm not privy to. I simply stopped making these whys a part of my vocabulary. However, there are some "whys" I do believe we need to give our attention to and are absolutely, necessary to ask.
I've talked a number of times about quick reactions to experiences with other people and sudden emotions that pop up and seem to come out of nowhere. Why are you responding in the way that you are in particular instances? Why do you get upset in certain environments? Are there particular people that seem to be a trigger for you? These are the "whys" that need to be asked. They simply act as an investigation tool. You are identifying clues, noticing witnesses to your behavior, recognizing what motivates behavior, noticing environmental factors, and learning to address a particular need that isn't being met below that behavior.
I believe the answers to these types of "whys" do exist. They aren't always very obvious, but I not only believe that investigating our own responses is a worthy endeavor, but also a necessary one. Don't be afraid to ask "why" in these types of situations. What you find is a breadcrumb on the path and as you continue to collect them the picture just may start to become clearer.