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My Blog

Allowing Grief

Saying goodbye to a fellow soldier, police officer, firefighter, or anyone who fits the category of serving beside you or anyone who had a significant impact on your life brings about grief.

Grief is a challenging process that some try very hard to escape.There is the stone-faced persona that takes over so as not to feel. The dry eyes that are so dry they burn. The jaw that is so tight is aches down into the neck and shoulders. We all know this battle well.  
It's one that wages inside of us as we fight against having to feel sorrow or loss.

The problem is that grief is a human process and part of our experience in living our lives. It must be processed. There is no way around it.  If we fight against the process of it, as we many times do, it becomes energy blocked inside of our bodies. It manifests depression, hopelessness, anger, and a myriad of behavioral issues.  It also creates reasons to take up "vices" or empower "vices" in an effort to quell its' incessant knocking at the door of our hearts. So what are we to do?  How are we to move through it without falling to pieces and exposing a side of a warrior that doesn't feel so strong?

I shared with you that a warrior who was a very important friend to me passed away on Christmas Day. He served 30 years in the Army and would have probably served 30 more if he could have. He was serious about life, but never took himself too seriously. He taught me the art of focus and patience.  

His services gave a rightful warrior's send-off.  It was an honor to be a part of them and I can tell you that at the time the bugler played, there was no stopping the river of tears that took place from everyone standing together. At that moment I realized the importance of not stopping the tears, but allowing.  When do we ever "allow" ourselves to feel as we do?

The "allowing" is such an important part of grieving.  We can mourn the loss.  We can admit to sadness.  What is it that we fear in fighting against it?  Is it rational to fight against it?  I'm not so sure.  I would hope that we would feel something when we lose someone who impacted our life.  Right? It's okay. There is a great energetic release that takes place when one cries. It is the body's way of releasing stress, processing pain, and it is completely natural.  If it is completely natural, then why do we fight against it?  Well, that comes down to ego.  I do not mean that in derogatory terms.  Our ego-self serves very important purposes and is important to our survival, however, in cases like this, our ego steps in the way of a very natural process and can be detrimental to our health.  

The energy of grief must have a way of releasing from the body because sorrow sits as pain in the heart and can radiate out to other parts of the body.  It builds up as stress and tension from the inside out.  Would our lost ones want us to sit with this pain inside of us?  I can't believe that they would and I know full-well, this soldier wouldn't want that for me.

So in the Spring when the ground softens and the light becomes lighter and brighter,  I'll plant a rose bush to keep his memory present., but healthy. I will continue to feed what he loved.  He would tell me that if you talk to the plants they feel the vibration and will grow.  I also believe that if I continue talking to "my troops", they will pick up the vibration and grow too.

Photo: Google Images

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