Time has been a concept that has been challenging for me since I was injured fourteen years ago. Only now am I noticing how my perception has developed and changed. I was sitting here working on some things and looked out the window. I noticed that it's nearly 5:00pm here on the East Coast and it is still light out. The sun seems extra warm and bright...well, considering this is the first snow melt we've had in a while. But what I have realized is how quickly the time between it being dark so early has quickly shifted into the light still being bright at 5:00pm.
During the early years of my brain injuries, I had no sense of time. So wherever it is that I was, that was all that existed. It made it feel as if a season or darkness might never end. That works nicely as a metaphor for trauma and ptsd, doesn't it? Each year as I gain greater momentum and understanding of what has happened, I've realized that nothing has to be forever and nothing truly is forever. There are seasons of change going on with everything all the time, but I did not have it in me to understand that then.
It is nice to experience seasons knowing that they don't last forever. It is nice to be one of the few welcoming the snow because I can feel that it will soon melt and Spring will come. I can feel that now, in a way that I couldn't before. This spirit and sense of welcoming what comes has been a gift. It is something that was able to be developed using meditation and with each passing day I find that I continue to become more and more aware.
*photo: Susie Guckin