The path must be one chosen by us.
What exactly does that mean?
I've often said that you don't choose PTSD. It chooses you, so in that respect it's all yours. No dropping it off at the next bus station. No unpacking it and leaving it in the desert for the next person who comes along. There's no stuffing it into a sock drawer or in the back of your closet. It doesn't fit under the bed or in a bottle. It doesn't care to be left behind while you move to another city or if you choose to start a new job. Have I mentioned, it's yours to keep? All yours. Nobody else's?
So if we didn't choose it, how can the path be the one chosen by us?
As I see it, you get to choose from here how you want to proceed; knowing that it is now your battle buddy to keep forever.
We can certainly stay in the dark place. That's usually the easier one of the choices or we can step into our own light in a way that may not be familiar to us. Accepting help or support from others is a fine line when it comes to PTSD. There are few people we generally feel we can really trust.....blink twice....if that matches you. It's no secret. It's okay. But what I can tell you is that is just another byproduct of the emergency alert system in our brains. There are many trustworthy people in the world, but the key here is that we must develop trust, respect, and compassion within ourselves first, in order to have that reflected in other people. It all starts within.
We get to choose how we treat ourselves. As people who have experienced the rawness of life, the reality of death, the heartache of trauma, as well as the best and worst humanity has to offer, we must know that we can either continue to treat ourselves as the enemy or we can begin with compassion, forgiveness, and belief in ourselves. ..............Even when it feels difficult.
We are not broken. We are not in need of fixing. We are simply in need of growing. Just as a seed's shell must break open and fall away to allow a new shoot to emerge, we must allow our shell to crack and fall away too. It isn't weakness. It's growth.
Don't abandon the mission because you feel the cracks growing and yourself emerging. Vulnerability, an ounce of nervousness, and growing recognition and awareness are all part of it. It isn't weakness, although it may parade around a bit like it. It's emergence.